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 Westfeld, she whispered, and with that word his title,
instead of his Christian name the barriers between them
returned in full force.  I I don t I didn t know what I was
doing.
He couldn t help himself. He molded his hand to her face.
 Elaine.
She bowed her head and leaned against him, and he
brushed his lips to her forehead.
 It happened, he said.  I understand. I shouldn t  But
he couldn t bring himself to apologize for kissing her. He
should have kissed her, damn it. He would hold that
memory inside him forever a moonlit kiss, half dream,
half solid truth. And so he ran his gloved thumb along her
lips, reluctant to relinquish his hold on her.
 Don t speak, he said.  Of all the things I wish for in this
world, I want you to find happiness. I suspect you never will
have that with me, and I ve resigned myself to the matter.
 Evan 
 Don t feel pity for me. Someday, I ll find someone I can
make happy truly happy. I m sure of it. But for now, I m
perfectly content to have had this one moment with you. I
won t ask for anything else.
 Oh, she said.  Evan.
 Elaine, he said softly,  can I make you happy?
The breeze against his collar was light and insubstantial,
close to nothing. He felt her cant away from him ever so
slightly.
He d had no hope of her. Still, her silence was a
resounding refutation of his every dream.
 There we are, he said, pulling away from her and
offering her his arm, polite and gentlemanly once again.
 Then I shall settle for making you happier.
Elaine was never quite sure how she made her way home.
Her mother s happiness burbled over in the carriage, but
Elaine barely felt capable of containing the beat of her own
heart.
She watched the Mayfair houses roll past, one dark
shadow passing after another.
They went by Westfeld s house along the way, a few
short streets from her own home. The front windows were
alight, and she could imagine him arriving home to his
butler and his servants and& and was there anyone else?
His mother stayed in the country; he had neither brothers
nor sisters. And at this moment, with the memory of his lips
still burning against hers, she was all too aware that he was
not married. She could see the savage edge of his smile. I
am not going to pretend that I want you for anything other
than mine.
Her hand rose and curled at her throat.
Was that what she had made him do? Pretend?
The carriage jolted to a halt in front of her own home.
Once she was safely ensconced in her room, the evening
ritual required none of her attention. She was washed and
undressed. Her hair was combed and then braided. But
when she tried to sleep she felt his mouth on hers. The
sheets against her skin brought to mind the strong band of
his arms around her, the tightly-controlled tension of his
muscles. And when she shut her eyes, she could see his
eyes boring into hers.
He loved her. He loved her still.
Sleep eluding her, Elaine pushed out of her bed and
threw her window open to the night air. The wind against
her shoulders was as cruel as a cold exhalation.
She could look into his eyes forever. She tingled when
he was near. She had stopped scoffing in disbelief at his
pronouncements months before. Instead, when he d told
her all would be well, she had wanted to believe him.
His kiss had been as soft as breath itself, and nearly as
vital. When had that happened? When had he begun to
light a room by entering it? When had she begun to look for
him when she first arrived at a party? When had she
started to think of him first when she heard something
amusing?
Over these last months, she d altered, too. She no longer
held back, hiding her head in the sand like some stupid
creature. If she had hated him for what he d made her into
all those years before, she had come to love herself.
Whatever resentment she d harbored had blown away.
He loved her, and it hurt him.
He was close, so close. She could trace the route to his
bed down streets lit by dim gas lamps. As she leaned out
her window into the chill, the row of three-story houses
vanished into the murky night before she could identify his.
Ten years ago he d hurt her. But today&
Elaine took a deep breath of cold air and held it in her
lungs, held it until her chest stung.
He d told her he could move the world, if only he had a
lever long enough. Of course there was no need for him to [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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